Gettin Retarded

I feel that I'm being pulled into a vast cesspool of latent retardation. Ever feel that way? Like you might, in fact be on some sort of new wacky reality show that you're not in on?

Statements overheard or typed in or around the He Seems Real Nice realm lately:

Electronic Filing - Federal Court Dickery - Oxymoron Dickery

Why don't you just re-finance? I call this one Have you read a fucking newspaper?

Fuck if your name doesn't come right before James!! My bad. Hanson fuck-uppery. (and this, friends, is why you delete any dude you EVER slept with's number immediately following the break in said bonding--uh, or lack thereof)

Is that scar from breast augmentation? I call this No you fuck, I bought it. Same store your girlfriend got her eyebrows from.

And moreover, what's with the GD painted on Eyebrows?

Hanson If you can't find your Twins shirt, do you want to borrow my Santana one?
I call this I'm a fucking moron as I thought she was telling me that wearing a Santana--as in Carlos the musician Santana- was somehow conciliary to a Twins Tank Top that showed side boob.

And finally, I'm going on a Psycho Sabbatical. Look out non issue-laden dudes, I'm coming after you with a vengeance. I understand you'll provide me with zero sexual spontaneity, and I'll probably enjoy zero chemical spark, but this is a challenge, not a wedding. So bring out your sensical thinking, your honest speak and most likely small penis. I gotta test this theory before Summer comes and I'll need want crazy boy back. Cause, no offense, but I'm no wasting summer on benign, obligatory snogging.











*clips edited to protect the innocent.