18.2.08

How To Take Care of Broken Ribs

So after spending most of Sunday in the ER with yet more brakage (Hey, suck it, i like it rough okay Sister Thomas Allen) It seems that the morphine-induced haze I was in lead me to misplace my "Taking Care of Your Broken Ribs" paperwork that the overly nursy murse gave me.

soooooooo....

I did what anybody would do. I googled "How to take care of your broken ribs." Here's the number one pick: Enjoy.

Spanking Bea Arthur

Now... as an FYI, the following activities are out for say 4 weeks.

1.) Showering myself;

2.) Making my pre-percocet cocktail;

3.) Sparring; and last, but certainly not least

4.) Sexual gratification of any kind - unless somebody can figure out a way I can do the damn thing without crying for my mommy... which is SUPER awwwwwwwwkward.

Lastly, Josh insists I place the following ad on Craigs. I am not inclined to do so, as it contains somewhat obvious give-a-ways as to my identity.

Former lovers call me a bore in the sack, I want you to lay motionless
below while I gingerly writhe to the best of my ability. Thanks.

Thank you Josh for the huge vote of confidence.


3 comments:

BreAnne said...

:( Do you need some Oskar snuggle time? He heals all wounds.

Stu73 said...

You know how I feel about snuggling. I'm pretty sure it's how I got into this fucking Mess. Me and my fine sensibilities...

New Rule: secret code for "leave it alone hans" ASSHAT

BreAnne said...

But you know he's the gentlest snuggler known to man. A modern miracle, that cat is.