27.2.08

SUCKFEST 2008

So in honor of the Oscars--It was clear I needed to get out to the movies more than once every 6 years. So I'm gonna commit to spending ridiculous amounts of time on my couch before I leave for Germany. Help a girl out, send me your reviews of some shit will ya?

I have but one review. I waited something like a year to see Eastern Promises. I mean, Russian Mafia? London, Viggo Mother Humping Mortenson? It totally promised to be awesome. Here's my review:

Fucking what the hell? So I get it, mafia guy saves cute, product-of-rape, baby. Same old story. Where's the beheadings? Where's the blaspheme? And Russian... okay, Russian is NOT hot sounding. You lost me there. You think I speak German to get laid? (ok, admittedly... I HAVE translated something somebody said in bed to me once into German because it was hilarious--but only in my head asshole! IN MY HEAD!) One f'ing fight scene in the shower room was supposed to turn on the moisture check light? Srsly? That fight sucked. You suck. So It was slippery in there, big deal. Asshole.

What? OH... i get it, you want to know what he said ... ok it was "Wille lasst du mich gerade fichen!!" I know... but it's funny. Category: German -- What is the language least likely to get you laid for $1200, Alex.


So to wrap it up...Eastern Promises: 1 pile of poo.

3 comments:

BreAnne said...

Hmmm...I wanted to see that movie. I've also been trying to catch up! You know me, I'm a tv girl.

So speaking Deutsch doesn't get you laid? For the record, neither does speaking English. Hey-oooo!

Stu73 said...

ba bump bump

ZING!

Anonymous said...

Movies recently seen and graded:

Transformers – Bad

Gone, Baby Gone – good

Lives of Others – good

Ratatouille - so-so (Pixar short called "Lifted" in extra features is hilarious)

Waitress – good

The Kingdom – good

The Simpsons Movie – awesome

Balls of Fury – Better than expected (expected it to suck Hanson's ass)

Alpha Dog – Surprisingly good

Children of Men – Good (disturbing)

Mrs. Henderson Presents – Good (lots of boobies)

1408 – good (gave me nightmares)

Invincible – good

Live Free or Die Hard – awesome for pure action and stupid humor, bad if you like plot or even a shred of realism

Entourage (seasons 1-3) – great

Stranger Than Fiction – great

Casino Royale – great

Kung Fu Hustle – starts out slow, gets awesome